Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
