Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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