feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
