So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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