Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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