Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
