they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm passing your future prison.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
