we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
