Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
