You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
