The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
