i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
