i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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