He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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