she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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