I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
