so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
