Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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