This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
