Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
