dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
