Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
