i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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