Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
