Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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