then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
