just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
