I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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