11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
