So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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