Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
