Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
