Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
