you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
