You're my little dorito
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
