You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
