I just saw a hot homeless man
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
