Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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