sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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