I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
