Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
