is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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