so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
