We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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