I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
