i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
