Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I just sharted jello shots
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