how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
