I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
