Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
