I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
