It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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